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四级考试三层突破之写作二
2009 年 12 月四级作文真题
directions: for this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay on the topic of creating a green campus.you should write at least 120 words following the outline given below:
1. 建设绿色校园很重要
2. 绿色校园不仅指绿色的环境……
3. 为了建设绿色校园，我们应该……
( 一 ) 审题立意
1. 首先审题目以及提纲，考生很容易判断出这是问题解决类作文。
2. 该作文体现出一种较新的命题方式，首先在题材上，依然是我们所熟悉的校园类话题，同时兼顾社会的热点：环保问题，这也与社会的大背景有关系，刚刚闭幕的哥本哈根世界气候大会也同时关注环保减排这个主题，因此我们的作文也与社会热点有很大的关系。分析题目 green “绿色”和 campus “校园”是本作文的关键词。考生应该考虑绿色校园具体是什么含义。重点应放在绿色校园的含义以及我们应该采取的措施上。考卷已经列出了提纲，这是对“三段式”提纲类作文写作结构的考查。
( 二 ) 草拟提纲
段落一阐述问题段①开门见山，绿色校园引发人们关注；②建立绿色校园对自己、他人及社会都有重要影响。
段落二说明原因段①绿色校园具有两层含义；②绿色，无污染；③人文精神、文明建设、人文关怀、和谐。
段落三解决方法段①为了建设绿色校园，个人、学校、政府和社会各界应该采取哪些措施；②对未来的展望。
根据以上构思，写作提纲如下：
creating a green campus
what’s a green campus and how to creat a green campus?
creating a green campus
i.nowadays the topic of a green campus has aroused public attention.
1.it is of vital importance to the students
2.it has a profound impact on society
ii.the idea of “a green campus” is beyond a green environment.
1.green environment preservation and protection
2.a civilized atmosphere for students’ mental health
iii.it is imperative for us to take effective measures to creat a green campus.
1.the law and regulations should be worked out
2.enhanced the awareness of the students themselves
( 三 ) 落笔写作
1. 阐述问题段 根据题目中的提纲，首先强调建立绿色校园的重要性，最好在此句之前做一个铺垫，介绍建立绿色校园受到人们广泛关注这一背景信息，即 the topic of a green campus has aroused public attention.
常见问题：用词匮乏。如：“很重要” important 。
使用对策：使用精彩替换词。如： the indispensable part for, has a profound impact on, significance 等。
2. 说明原因段 对绿色校园的两方面含义进行论述。另外在展开论证过程中，抽象句子要举例说明，如： such as planting more trees and flowers, for example, students will be severely punished in case of cheating in exams ，这些具体信息使文章更生动，容易理解。
常见问题：结构不清，缺乏层次感。
使用对策：要注意各个理由之间的逻辑关系，适当地运用表示层次关系的词语，如： to begin with, in addition to; furthermore/not only … but also … / what ’ s more; for example/for instance/such as; in other words/ in particular 等。
本文的说明原因段可分为如下三个层次进行论证：
①开门见山：首先对“绿色校园”在下文要涉及的内容进行总体概括： the idea of “ a green campus ” is beyond a green environment.
②正面论证：说明“绿色校园”的第一层含义，也就是我们最熟知的一层含义，即 campus construction refers to green environment preservation and protection 。然后举例进一步解释此含义，并强调其重要性： which makes campus an ecological and natural resort. 在这个过程中考生要注意亮点词汇以及句型的使用。
③反面论证：使用 in addition to 引出“绿色校园”的第二层含义，即 create a civilized atmosphere for the sake of students ’ mental health. 然后举例进一步解释此含义。如： for example, students will be severely punished in case of cheating in exams and plagiarizing in academic papers.
3. 解决方法段 鉴于“绿色校园”的重要性，说明采取措施的必要性，如： to bring “ green campus ” to its full play, effective measures should be taken.
常见问题：用语过于直白或极端。如： we must … / we should …等。
使用对策：要站在中庸的立场上，客观地提出建议，可使用一些表示客观立场的词语，如： it is essential that … ; only by the co efforts of the whole society could “ green campus ” work smoothly. 这样使自己的观点表达得既委婉又客观。
creating a green campus
nowadays the topic of a green campus has been widely debated which has aroused public attention.undoubtedly, a green campus, the indispensable part for the development of college students, has a profound impact on both individuals and society, for its significance cannot be denied.
the idea of “a green campus” is beyond a green environment.to begin with, campus construction refers to green environment preservation and protection, such as planting more trees and flowers, which makes campus an ecological and natural resort, and advocating green products.for example, students are encouraged to avoid using disposable plastic containers in campus dining hall and recycle wasted batteries and other electrical products properly.in addition to the environmentally friendly practice, we shall make every effort to improve the moral standard and ethical level of university students in order to create a civilized atmosphere for the sake of students’ mental health.for example, students will be severely punished in case of cheating in exams and plagiarizing in academic papers.
to bring “green campus” to its full play, effective measures should be taken.first, based on its education function, campus should bring the theory of “sustainable development” into classrooms, set environmental management rules and conduct environmental education activities.second, it is essential that law and regulations be worked out and enforced by the government and school authorities.only by the co-efforts of the whole society could “green campus” work smoothly and bring benefit to people’s well-beings.
( 四 ) 修改润色
作文基本完成以后，主要有以下两项任务：
1. 检查
检查是否包含考卷提纲列出的所有信息；各段落衔接是否连贯，使用 in the first place, furthermore, on the one hand ， for instance ， on the other hand 等词可以达到这种效果；语法上单词拼写上是否有误，如较长单词 indispensable ， environmentally friendly ， preservation ， plagiarizing 等，以及短语 has a profound impact on ， disposable plastic containers ， in case of ， bring … to its full play, bring benefit to 以及最后一段中虚拟语气、倒装句使用是否正确。避免使用“汉语式英语”；检查文章标点符号是否正确。
2. 润色
例如： only by the co efforts of the whole society could “ green campus ” work smoothly and bring benefit to people ’ s well beings 中使用倒装句的结构，凸显考生的语法功底。
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