你是否窘于说“不”？你是否总是善待他人却忽视了自己的意愿？我们中国人许多时候由于碍着“面子”而使有些问题的解决停滞不前。这篇文章是一位美国人写的，都说美国人直接，其实也有很多考虑的。文中的一些建议我们可以借鉴一下，有时候拒绝就是拒绝，不同意就是不同意，没有太多言外之意，这能很好地解决拖延，诚信，效率的问题。

do you have difficulty saying "no"? are you always trying to be nice to others at the expense of yourself?

well, you're not alone. in the past, i was not good at saying "no", because i didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings.

for example, whenever i get requests for help, i would attend to them even though i had important work to do. sometimes the requests would drag to 2-3 hours or even beyond. at the end of the day, i would forgo sleep to catch up on my work. this problem of not knowing how to say "no" also extended to my clients, business associates and even sales people.

after a while, i realized all these times of not saying "no" (when i should) were not helping me at all. i was spending a lot of time and energy for other people and not spending nearly as much time for myself. it was frustrating especially since i brought it upon myself. i slowly realized if i wanted personal time, i needed to learn to say "no".

if you are not sure how to do so, here are 7 simple ways for you to say no. use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.

1. "i can't commit to this as i have other priorities at the moment."

if you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be applicable. this lets the person know your plate is full at the moment, so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests. if it makes it easier, you can also share what you're working on so the person can understand better. i use this when i have too many commitments to attend to.

2. "now's not a good time as i'm in the middle of something. how about we reconnect at x time?"

it's common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of something. sometimes i get phone calls from friends or associates when i'm in a meeting or doing important work. this method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. first, you let the person know it's not a good time as you are doing something. secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). this way, the person doesn't feel blown off.

3. "i'd love to do this, but …"

i often use this as it's a gentle way of breaking no to the other party. it's encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there's nothing wrong about it. i often get collaboration proposals from fellow bloggers and business associates which i can't participate in and i use this method to gently say no. their ideas are absolutely great, but i can't take part due to other reasons such as prior commitments (#1) or different needs (#5).

4. "let me think about it first and i'll get back to you."

this is more like a "maybe" than a straight out "no". if you are interested but you don't want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this. sometimes i'm pitched a great idea which meets my needs, but i want to hold off on committing as i want some time to think first. there are times when new considerations pop in(突然出现)and i want to be certain of the decision before committing myself. if the person is sincere about the request, he/she will be more than happy to wait a short while. specify a date/time-range (say, in 1-2 weeks) where the person can expect a reply.

if you're not interested in what the person has to offer at all, don't lead him/her on. use methods #5, #6 or #7 which are definitive.

5. "this doesn't meet my needs now but i'll be sure to keep you in mind."

if someone is pitching a deal/opportunity which isn't what you are looking for, let him/her know straight-out that it doesn't meet your needs. otherwise, the discussion can drag on longer than it should. it helps as the person know it's nothing wrong about what he/she is offering, but that you are looking for something else. at the same time, by saying you'll keep him/her in mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities.

6. "i'm not the best person to help on this. why don't you try x?"

if you are being asked for help in something which you (i) can't contribute much to (ii) don't have resources to help, let it be known they are looking at the wrong person. if possible, refer them to a lead they can follow-up on – whether it's someone you know, someone who might know someone else, or even a department. i always make it a point to offer an alternate contact so the person doesn't end up in a dead end(死胡同). this way you help steer the person in the right place.

7. "no, i can't."

the simplest and most direct way to say no. we build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no. as i shared earlier in this article, these barriers are self-created and they are not true at all. don't think so much about saying no and just say it outright. you'll be surprised when the reception isn't half as bad as what you imagined it to be.

learn to say no to requests that don't meet your needs, and once you do that you'll find how easy it actually is. you'll get more time for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you. i know i do and i'm happy i started doing that.